And it was a good day overall… lots of laughs, lots of playing… lots of love… lots of fun….
But, as usual, there were tears. Not the gut wrenching, outright uncontrollable sobbing that some of you have witnessed… more the quiet, ‘crap I’m crying again’ tears.
There was walking with my sister…. talking with my sister… showing her snapshots of the pain that I have lived through in the past while. She knew of the pain… but this is the first real ‘face to face’ conversation about the pain… and I think that face to face always has more impact than text or a phone call.
We did have some laughs… some tears… she reassured me that, no matter what ‘the dark side’ says or what his version is… she will always be with me, behind me, pulling for me and wee to make a great life… have a great future… and she wants to be a large part of that…..
We also managed to score one small victory for ‘the good guys’… and thanks to friends (again… THANK YOU)… this is possible… I’m getting the pets back!!! Rob and Nikki are going to help with the cats until I move (THANKS GUYS!!!!!!), Stewie will stay with me, and Melissa (THANK YOU SO MUCH) will keep the old man…..
And, in just over a month… we’ll be all together… under one roof… The family…. all together again!
And, hopefully, maybe, perhaps, I might actually get lucky and get some material possessions from ‘the dark side’… from that house… hopefully….
I can pray for miracles right????
While I sit here… finishing a glass of wine… talking ‘material possessions’ with my sister… watching her put things aside for me… writing my blog.. I can’t help but think about all of my rock solid safe spots during this storm… all of the friends who have been there…. ensured that I was safe… that I felt safe… that I was well. All of the people who have checked in and kept tabs when I was obviously less than ‘well’… All of the people who have been there to witness the meltdowns… Everyone who has helped to wipe the tears… or has shared in the tears….
All of you who have been there to share the laughs… see the smiles… because, we must admit, there have been laughs and smiles… even through all of this.
And for those who have been there to listen… been there to lend an ear, a shoulder… been a stable and safe harbour for all of my thoughts and feelings….
There are not enough thank yous in the world for every one of you… I hope, that in some way, watching me and wee start to live again, start to rebuild our lives… start to grow… with be a measure of ‘thanks’… And I am hoping that each and every one of you know that, you’ve been on one ugly road with me… in the future.. anything, any time… call me. I’m there for you.
My sister said something very poignant today. She told me that I truly do have a second chance…. a second chance at life. I was brave enough to take the steps to ask for that second chance; I have braved everything that has been handed my way so far, now the clock is ticking down to when wee and I have our own place; a truly NEW FRESH start. She told me that she hoped I realize how lucky I am to have what most people are not strong enough to go after, and to take full advantage of it… make sure I rise from this with my head held high… and with all of the class and grace that I possess.
She said that she can understand that I am hurt and angry right now, in this moment, but to be sure to not let that anger and hurt write the next chapters of my life for me. She told me to make sure that the anger and hurt do not become who I am, but that they stay where they belong… in the last chapters in the book labelled ‘previous life’.
I will heed that advice… and take every word of it to heart… Anger and hurt will not be welcome in my new home… in my new life… in my fresh start… the fresh start that I am going to build for me and my wee….
It will be nothing but joy, success, and sunshine…