I did… I truly did… I felt like a horrible parent today… HORRIBLE… Oh my… HORRIBLE…
Through all of the crying, through the tantrums, through the sickness, through the not eating, through the crying for people who aren’t around at that moment… through all of that.. I’ve tried to manage… and I think I’ve done a pretty damn good job of it… There are many days where, once her little head hits her ladybug pillow, I give myself a pat on the back… “Great job mom… a great day…. another one!”. And I always feel like those pats are well-deserved. I don’t pat myself on the back EVERY day but, gawd… there are days where a pat is well-deserved.
And then all of those self-assured – I’m really doing this whole mommy thing ON MY OWN – thoughts flew out the window today… today was not a ‘pat myself on the back’ day.
You have to be saying… “what the hell did you do that was so horrible woman??”… well, let me tell you….
So, last night.. I kept her up later than I should have… but we were all having so much fun… She met Mark’s kids… they got along so well… they had fun… She laughed.. she played… and it was nice to have that going on while mommy had some adult time…. adult conversation…
But, I knew.. I knew… I would pay for that today… and I did…. She was a BEAR!!! But we got through it with walks and snacks and smiles and fun and just breathing… breathing through it… so it was good….
Now you really have to be saying “ummm ok… where’s the part where it all goes to hell??” …
Well, wee was sitting after her dinner and her bath… playing on her LeapPad and with her phone… just relaxing… I decided to do the dishes… and, well, THAT’S where it all goes to hell…
For any of you who know my daughter… you know she was breastfed… you know she weaned herself at 18 months and went right to the “click and sip” straw cups… delightful.. no bottles to lug… no mess… no fuss.. She would take a bottle no problem if she was left with someone else.. but 99 percent of her meals were from me…. and after she started eating solids.. she still breastfed… like I said, till she was 18 months old… then she just stopped… GREAT!! YAY ME!!!!
So.. I’m at the sink today…. doing dishes… washing her straw cups the way I always do… lots of soap, lots of water… and I decide in my wisdom to run a pipe cleaner through the straws… I read somewhere that was a great way to clean straws… but how dirty can they be… I’m all OCD clean here… this isn’t even necessary…
And then I pulled through the first straw.. I almost died… I was like OMGWTFHOLYHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And there’s how I lost my pat on the back for the day…
My daughter’s straws for her straw cups… not nearly as clean as I thought… not nearly… no sir… no way… My little OCD heart stopped for a moment… And I started to scrub in earnest while texting Christy about it…
And man, do I feel like a bad parent… the thought that I have been having my daughter drink from THOSE STRAWS every day… OMGWTF WAS I THINKING???!!!!
Oh wait… hold on… perspective…
Wee eats snails and worms… perhaps a bit of grunge in her straws won’t kill her….
YAY… I just earned my pat on the back back!!!! YIP!
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