This weeks seems to be the week of Ranting and Giving People A Piece Of My Mind. Sometimes, I don’t mind those weeks… it’s actually kind of refreshing to tell people exactly what you think and why. Other times it’s like “seriously, this is grade school logic. Use your brain and shut your mouth.”…..
This week is a mix of the two… The Piece Of My Mind that I dished out earlier in the week… that was refreshing…. This blog is going to be a mix of refreshing and “When was the last time you REALLY used your brain before you actually opened your mouth (or hit send)??”
To those I offend… If I offend… I’m not sorry. I probably meant to.
To those I mention; I mention you by name for a reason; because you have deeply impacted my life, the life of my Wee… and continue to do so in some small or large way daily.
To those I piss off… I meant to so, I’m not going to apologize for what I meant to do.
And to those who didn’t make this post… If you’re offended by that, take it up with the complaints department. If you’re not, thanks for understanding that, to mention EVERYONE who I hold near and dear on some level will take me a decade of free time; time which I don’t have a lot of.
Now… Let us begin; shall we?
To my absolute nearest and dearest: Christy, Dave, Samantha, Rob, Nikki, Alex, Ryan, John, Greg, Jess, Kristin and her family, Liz and her family and loved ones, Tina, Mackenzie, Melissa and Libby, Angela and her family, Jessica and Jay….
Thank you. Thank you for being there for me… Living in my phone… propping me up when things are (still) tough… Giving me tips, pointers, ideas… Fixing stuff I break… Helping me get “new to me and Wee” stuff… Being there when the SOS MAYDAY goes out… Offering help… Offering an ear… Offering a shoulder…. Offering a smile… Sharing a laugh (Which are thankfully getting more frequent as time passes)…
I don’t see you as much as I would like to, and for that I feel bad. But, I think everyone on that list understands that time is an enemy of late. It seems weeks can go by in a blink and, before you know it, it’s been months since you’ve seen your best girl friend who lives just up the road; and more months since you’ve seen your best guy friend who lives a 20 minute drive away.
The fact that our visits (with all of you) are so infrequent pains me but, I think we all understand that time is short… with lessons, and work, and school, and kids, and classes, and friends, and family and… Well, you get the idea… Life gets in the way.
And I thank all of the above people for understanding that, when my body breaks down and needs a break, why my daughter just wants to sit at home and have a snuggle with mommy day, or when I just want to take my 48 hours of peace and quite and do nothing more than shuffle around in my jammies drinking coffee, all of those things take priority… INCLUDING the selfish jammie days…
Thank you for understanding that and for not harping on me about ‘promised to call’ or ‘I haven’t seen you’ or ‘well it’s your Wee free weekend’.
Damn right it is… and if I want to turn off my god damned phone, turn on my TV, brew a pot of tea, and ignore the whole eff’n world for a while, that is MY RIGHT.
SO GET OFF MY BACK.
When I am down about things… I am down for a damn good reason. This past week, my car was broke, Subsidy was going to cancel what money they give me, I got told by work that not only am I taking a pay cut (as is everyone on my contract) but also I had to get someone to take care of Wee so that I could take training (unpaid for) outside of my work hours. Top that off with every other little thing that can go wrong: Puking cats, snotty baby, salesmen knocking at my door at 7pm… the list is endless. YES, I FELT LIKE IT WAS THE END OF THE WORLD. YES I CRIED. YES I SAT ON MY PITY POT FOR A BIT. And yes, I reached out to anyone who I thought could help/listen/lend a shoulder.
The LAST thing anyone in my shoes; having been where I’ve been over the last year an a half, having worked as hard as I have over the last year and a half to get us to where we are now; NEEDS to hear is “WORK HARDER”…. “Be patient…”… “Things take time”… “You can’t expect everything handed to you”… Or the ever popular “Life sucks sometimes; suck it up”…
Yeah… Ummm.. DO YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW ALL OF THOSE THINGS????? Why do you think I run on about 4 hours of sleep a night? The rest of it… working harder… pushing harder… trying to work for what I need. Why do you think I pushed so hard to finish school and get a job and am now looking for something ‘better’…. Because I god damned well know how hard life is… and I don’t expect anything to be handed to me…. Things take time… Oh lord, let us not even go there… Life sucks sometimes suck it up??? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO??? I happen to know ALL ABOUT life sucking and the true levels in which it can utterly blow…
So, as a note to anyone who is reading this right now… if this is the advice you are going to spout whenever my life turns to shit… please back away quietly now and stop talking to me.
I guess the long and the short of this particular post is this:
I have amazing friends… and amazing ‘family’… amazing people… and I am very lucky… very very lucky…
But in with those amazing people are some sour grapes… those who just can’t seem to understand… Those who seem to NOT care… that once in a while… I damn well deserve to be selfish with my time… because I really only get a few rare occasions to do that.
And once in a while, I don’t need your ‘chin up soldier tomorrow is another day’ advice… That advice is actually the LAST thing I need… Sometimes I need no advice at all… Just an ear… just a shoulder… and telling me that life isn’t always pretty or that I need to be patient… well, that’s not helping anything… Uttering those words, you might as well just strap a steak to your ass and run through a lion’s den; because I can get just as angry and just as vicious… and my words can cause just as much pain.
To my very valued friends… I wish time were more plentiful… I wish I had more time… I wish we all had more time…
Time though, passes in a blink… Do remember to be selfish with your time once in a while… take some you time… I’m trying to learn how to do it… With the support and understanding of my very valued friends.