How is it that one person can delude themselves so fully about a situation and think that what is occurring is okay for so long that it drags into depths so painful that they can no longer see the light of day?
How is it that someone so observant can miss so much?
How is it that I felt it was okay for the pattern of emotional neglect and psychological games to continue for so long?
Why is it that I now feel the need to create a chart of all of the above instances of neglect and hang it on my wall as a reminder as to how horrific things really were?
Or perhaps it’s a way for me to heal… Perhaps it’s a way to remind myself that not only did I give ample opportunity for this to be fixed, but that none of the problems were me, of my making. None of this horror was in my mind.
Writing it down has dragged the truth screaming into the light…
And what a story that list tells…..
What a tangled story of lies, mistreatment, broken promises, hurtful behaviour, selfishness, and inconsiderate actions that list tells.
He never cared about us.
Look at this list and it says that we were just being used.
He never gave one good god damn about us.
Look at this list and it screams of how selfish and inconsiderate he is.
Everything was a lie… Told by a very skilled liar… A very skilled liar with some very deep psychological issues.
And now he’s gone… Back to the house to live with his ex wife and kids. His choice. He feels that is where he should be. He feels that that is where his life is best lived.
And that’s fine.
Because at least the stress is no longer here infecting this house… Infecting Wee and me.
At least I no longer have to hear one more lie or be subjected to one more moment of emotional torment, emotional berating, or neglect.
At least Wee and I can pick up and heal… And enjoy each other… And learn to love each other more deeply than we did before.
The walls are up though; thicker and stronger than ever…
And it’s gonna be a long, cold day in hell before I let anyone who I don’t already trust with my life near my life again.