We’re all living it right now…
And while we’re living that life, we all, at various moments in time, sit back and think ‘Wow, I fucked that one right up’.
Don’t lie. We all do it. We all have things that we do that we regret, or things that we say that we regret, or even things that we don’t do that we regret.
Hopefully as we move from day to day, we don’t carry that regret with us because, a wise friend once told me, nothing builds a heavier load than a heart full of regret.
But, while we let go of the actual regret (or should), I hope that each and every person reading this right now NEVER lets go of the lesson.
Lessons are weightless; they won’t burden you down, they won’t break your back, your heart, your soul.
But they are tools that you can use to ensure that the following days are full of fewer regrets that you have to let go of at the end of each day.
One thing I hear a lot of people regretting any more is how they prioritize things in their lives. Even the old and frail, they seem to regret that on some level.
“If only I had…. “….
And while I think we all have ideas on what the priorities should be in our lives, I think that in the day-to-day hustle and bustle of actually LIVING our lives, we tend to let the priorities as we feel they should be slip through our fingers and out of our minds.
Now, I’m going to speak on one priority that I don’t believe everyone who is listening to my words right now will one hundred percent agree upon. But it’s one that is near and dear to my heart and mind simply because, well, it has, of late, been affecting me on a personal level.
And, just because you don’t agree with my words, doesn’t mean you should close your ears… I think everyone, agree or not, can walk away with some valuable tools that they can use in their lives to help keep their list of regrets to let go of every day just a little bit shorter.
So do keep an open mind.
Disagree. That’s your right. But hear me out.
I’m a Mommy Blogger. It’s not a big blog. It’ll never be a famous blog. But it’s mine. And it tracks my journey through life, as a single mom of a beautiful little girl. It speaks of the good times, the bad times, the heartache, the triumph…
It speaks of life.
It’s honest. It’s ugly. And it’s there.
Just like life can be.
Recently, I was reading a blog by another Mommy Blogger:
and, because of my situation, it really struck home how many people prioritize things in their lives in ways that leave their lives, their homes, their hearts, their relationships on a course that screams doom and gloom.
And one of the biggest things that people tend to forget to prioritize is their relationships; their marriage, their partner, their spouse, their boyfriend, their girlfriend….
In amongst the kids and the work and the school and the projects and the house and the dogs and the cats and the….. Somehow, The Other gets lost. And the needed time for the other disappears. And before you know it, you’re two strangers living under one roof, working through the day knowing little more than the other person’s name.
A wall goes up down the middle of the bed.
Or, you develop a ‘twin bed romance’.
Or you move into another room.
Just because it feels more comfortable for you than sharing a bed with a stranger; which is what your other became.
Before you know it every conversation is had with bitterness.
Meals are never the same.
There are no more gentle touches or hugs from behind for no reason.
There are no more tickle fights over the remote.
You’re two people… Living… Breathing… Two separate lives that happen to intersect for (maybe) a few minutes every day.
It doesn’t matter if you’re married or common law or dating… It happens if you don’t put a priority on Your Other.
And I’m not saying it’s easy. Hell, I know it’s hard. I’m a single mom. And damn, babysitters aren’t cheap.
But it’s still important to find a way.
And I always try to.
I stick to my Access Schedule; not because I like having my Wee out of our home but because that time… That time is gold.
I get a babysitter when needed to accommodate extra time away from Wee cause, as much as I love her, she can’t come first.
Oh shit… I said it. Here we go… I’m just about to lose a bunch of you.
Let me say it again.
My Wee, I love her. She can’t come first.
And that was the point of this blog that I was reading the other day… Kids… We love them… They can’t come first.
There is a chain of command in everything in life that we do; a pecking order; a circle of life… When that circle gets skewed or distorted, chaos moves in.
Now, open your ears and your eyes and your hearts…..
I AM NOT SAYING that my Wee’s NEEDS do not come above my own… Because they do. Every day. To the point where there have been times where we have BOTH been sick but I can only afford the medication for one of us so, she gets it. She needs milk, my needs fall further down. She needs anything, that is my priority.
But friends, does she NEED ME there every second of every day through every breath that she takes?
NO HELL NO.
What she NEEDS is to know that if the shit hits the fan, I’m there. And she knows that.
But for me to be the me that I am, and the best mommy I can be, and the best partner I can be for another person, I NEED TIME WITHOUT HER.
Time to devote to me. Time to devote to my other.
Without that time, there is no Other. There is no me giving one hundred percent to that little girl every day.
There’s only an empty shell of a person roaming through life, unfulfilled, because none of their NEEDS for personal and adult time are being met.
And if those needs aren’t being met; I’m no good for anyone, including my Wee.
So, the long and short of this is, do we love our children? Yes. Do we want what is best for them? Yes. Is putting them above ourselves and our other half best for them? No. Because in doing that, you’re dooming the love that holds the home together.
And without that love, without that relationship, it’s just an empty house full of voices that rarely make sense because the voice is coming from a stranger.
A stranger who you used to hold in the highest regard.
Who you let slip away because you forgot to keep them where they belong…