Friends And Friendships….

I am one of those people who have friends all over the map.

Some of those friends I have never actually seen.

Some of those friends I have high hopes of seeing one day.

And some of those friends I see as often as I can.

No matter which category my friends fall in, I like to let every single one of them know that if they need me, any time day or night; I am there.

If they need a place that is warm and friendly; my home is theirs.

If they need an ear, a shoulder, a safe place to vent; I am right here.

I have just found out that one of my dear friends has suffered a horrific and very sudden loss….

I am shaken to the core by this.

At our age, this should not happen.

My heart cries for her and her loved ones.

I hope she feels my support over the miles.

When a loss this sudden and unexpected happens, I think it’s natural for us to all step back and assess our lives; think about where, perhaps, we could be doing things differently or maybe even better….

I think it’s natural.

Just like it’s natural for us to hold our loved ones a little tighter after hearing of a loss like this.

I know after hearing this, there are a few things in my own personal life that I’m going to change; obviously nothing big because, well, in my life, there really is nothing big to change…  But there will be changes.

But what I hope for each and every one of my friends is that you take a moment, look at your life…  Are there changes that you want to make?  Are there things that you could do that would make you happier?  Is there anything missing from your life?  Are you living the life that you truly want to live with the people in it that you truly want to have in it?

If the answer to any of that is not what it should be, let me ask you this:
What are you waiting for?

For you my dearest Anna…  and your family…  Know that I’m thinking of you and that I’m here for you; any time; day or night.

Thirty-Three Hours And Change….

Can you believe it…?  It’s 2015….  Where the hell has time gone?

In just over 33 hours, the children will be returning to school…  The seasonal festivities will officially be over.

Where did it all go???

For us, 2014 brought a lot of struggles, a lot of pain, a lot of heartache, and a lot of lessons….

The insanity and struggles had best settle the fuck down and leave us alone this year.

I’ve already started the work of keeping the drama and the heartache to a minimum…  I’ve been thinking long and hard about each relationship that I have…  each and every one…  And I’ve been weighing each and every one.

Has it been emotionally bankrupting me in some way?  If so, it’s gone.  I can’t have that.

I need to be strong this year because there are a lot of changes coming up…  And a lot of tough times still…  A move that I know is going to come up…  Still fighting to find a great job…  Still some health battles…

So I can’t afford to have anyone around who is doing nothing but emotionally bankrupting me or who has proven that well, they really don’t want to do the work to be a friend… Because at some points during this year, you can bet your sweet ass, I’m gonna need my true friends.

There’s much going on that I haven’t shared with people…  Much going on that I’ve only shared with one or two people….  And much more that is such a dark secret that it is only thought about when I’m all alone and the night has come alive…

It’s during all of this shit that many of you know nothing about that I’m going to need you the most…

You’ll know when I need you cause I’ll come right out and damn well tell you….

My hope is that you’ll be there when that call is made.

If I don’t think at this moment that you’ll be one of those people who will be there because you have a proven track record of NOT being there during the good and the bad or even for a simple cup of tea; you can bet I won’t be relying on you in the moments to come….

If you’ve been one of those critical of me, my life, or how I live it in some way…  You can bet I won’t be turning to you either….

In fact, I don’t have the time, strength, or the desire to continue to attempt to maintain a friendship with you at all.

Cold?  Callous?  Perhaps.

Honest…  Yup.  Taking care of ME AND MY DAUGHTER and putting ME AND MY DAUGHTER first this year…  You bet.

I have to.

It is time.

And I know our true friends will be there when the call goes out that I need…  even if it is just a simple cup of tea.